The masked Spanish band DA-CAT presents its “solution to musical precariousness” with its new single, “Artista, no tienes relaciones” (Artist, don’t have bands). To help you, if you are a musician, they are opening a curious call for competitive examinations.
They say DA-CAT –that is, Da Coneho, Da Rhino and Da Ciervho– who have found the solution to musical instability with their new song “Artista, no tienes juntas” (Artist, don’t have bands). It’s that clear. If you don’t want instability, don’t form a band. And remember that they do it to improve your life and don’t insist on achieving success with a musical group that will be like a drop of water in the Mediterranean.
To help you, they have created a decalogue to convince you not to be an artist and have created a competition for precarious artists. But start by watching the video “Artist, don’t have groups”, a rabbit-like homage to the famous clip of “Lonely Boy” by The Black Keys.
Here we go with your Ten reasons NOT to be an artist:
-Remember, you most likely have no talent.
-It takes a lot of time.
-Unless you are a poet, any artistic practice involves an investment of money that you will never recover.
-There are too many excellent works. Enjoy them.
-Nobody cares what you do unless it’s pictures of cats. And dogs.
-In general, artists are very similar to each other and only talk about themselves.
-You may be able to meet some of your idols. Don’t be too upset.
-Self-expression is overrated. Save the world a thousand pesky times.
-“Life is short, art is long.” They are not compatible.
-If successful, you will immediately be accused of “Sellout!”
As for the call, you can read it here in full:
Royal Decree 666/2024, of June 26, by which DA-CAT calls for a selective process of open access for precarious artists in accordance with the Ministry of Culture of the Government of Spain:
Pursuant to the provisions of the aforementioned Royal Legislative Decree and taking into account that 99% of artists in Spain pay to be artists, DA-CAT is announcing this public job offer for the incorporation of new human resources necessary in the field of art and creativity to guarantee the correct provision of the functions entrusted to this group.
Their tasks are to nourish the soul of the citizens, encourage reflection, critical thinking and liven up the squares and streets of the country’s main tourist cities.
This call for applications takes into account the principle of equality in accordance with the Spanish Constitution between musicians, painters, photographers and sculptors, as regards access to employment, not taking into account the poetry sector, as they are not considered economically viable artists for the State.
For reasons of efficiency, the material management of the selection tests is entrusted to the SGAE, which will take 10% of the salary of the artists who obtain their position as civil servants.
Call for applications
Description of the places:
A selection process is being called to fill zero vacancies in the Corps of Precarious Artists through the general open access system.
In accordance with article 1 of the statute for artists without a future 666/1978 of February 31, three places have been added to this call for applications for those who can prove that 100% of their income comes from an inheritance, partners, family, charity, bank loans or their own work in a non-artistic field.
Preference will be given to those artists who have gone bankrupt more than twice in their ineffective career as artists.
Selection process:
Depending on the type of position you are applying for, you will have to create a concert, a painting or a sculpture based on an abstract idea given by the examination board. The candidate’s ability to pass the hat, his commercial abilities and his good physical appearance according to the standards established by the art industry at the time will be valued positively.
Requirements:
Applicants must meet the following requirements by the end of the application submission period:
Not having any official qualification that certifies any type of practical life skill.
Being able to survive for at least 3 months on just one plate of pasta with tomato sauce a day.
In the case of musicians, they must have their own instrument of no more than tenth hand.
Those interested in registering for these competitions can send a message to the DA-CAT Instagram profile: @dacat.oficial. or to this email: (email protected)
Long live DA-CAT!
